Cracking a Birthday Joke | Huge List of Funny Birthday Messages and Wishes

Birthdays are special to all of us. If anyone forgets to wish you on your day, chances are high that you will never forget that they didn’t. It is important to wish loved ones, friends and family on their special day and put a smile on their face. Birthday wishes make people feel loved and remembered. A call, text or even a social media message goes a long way in saying “we care”. A simple call at midnight to wish “Happy Birthday” or a bouquet of flowers with a card and chocolates does the trick.

But then again that is all cliché. Isn’t it much more fun when you can poke others about turning older? People are taking to funny birthday wishes to make the other person smile from ear to ear. It is effective, simple and can go on to be one of the most memorable wishes. Whatever you do, here are some tips to keep in mind while sending out a funny birthday wish:

> Avoid cracking any jokes that will hurt the other person’s feelings.

> Consider the person and his age while sending the joke.

> Be sure that the other person will take things in his/her stride.

Make sure that you share that kind of leg-pulling relationship with the person – otherwise things can get awkward.

These are some funny and witty messages that you can share on social media or send to someone out on a birthday card, SMS or via e-mail on their special day.

Funny Birthday Texts

• We thought we would get the right amount of candles to put on your cake this year, but quickly ran out of space.
• One of the best pieces of advice in life is “you have to appreciate the little things”. That said, I know that spotting little things is easier said than done at your age!
• Seeing as I usually forget everyone’s birthdays, you should consider it a miracle that I’m sending you this message.

• It’s about time one of us turned 18! Drinks are on you, then! Happy Birthday!
• Don’t let your age get you down, it won’t be long until you are allowed to start learning to drive. But until then, on your bike!
• To my brother who still owes me several big ones. I didn’t get you a gift this year, so let’s call it even.
• I can’t believe how big you’re getting! Long gone are the days when I could steal cake from your plate and no one would ever be the wiser.
• Don’t you think it’s about time we grew up a bit and stopped painting the town? I know exactly what you’ll say. Next year.
• I’m not a fan of overly sweet messages as you know, birthdays are for fun! So let’s ditch the old folks later and get out and about like we used to!

• Oh yeah, one more year to annoy everyone you know. Happy Birthday, anyway!…
• I hope you have low expectations for your meal and cake this year, I hear dad’s having a go at being the chef.
• Happy Birthday, you’re closer to seeing another century pass.
• Your LOL Message! | Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend
• One more year to pretend you’re old enough to care about people around you.

• You’re not old. You’re just old enough to know better and not old enough to care.
• The emergency department is on speed dial just in case you have an unexpected asthma attack blowing the candles.
• Party like it’s 1959, when you could still dance and drink alcohol without ending up you to the hospital.
• Remember when we stayed up late running from the law? No? Good. I don’t either. Happy Birthday, oldie!

• Another year to prove that older doesn’t really mean wiser. Happy birthday!
• Going old happens. Growing up is a choice. Happy Birthday.
• Happy Birthday. You’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory!
• I made a list about the words of wisdom I wanted to give you for your birthday. It’s still blank. Maybe next year.
• May all your birthday wishes come true — except for the illegal ones!

• It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your present before you offend everyone.
• Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.
• Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month.
• Statistics show that people who live longer have more birthdays, costing us more money for presents!
• If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager!
• Another year to kick your bucket list to the curb.

• Happy birthday! Here’s to being immature for a lifetime.

• As your younger sister, it’s only right for me to remind you on your birthday that you’re still older than me. Ha!
• When I reach your age I’ll still younger than you, you dinosaur! Happy bday!
• Today is the start of the rest of your life. What? You’re how old. Revise: Today is the start of the oldest part of your life.

• Don’t you wish you were a kid again? Of course not, cause you’re still doing the same things you did back then.
• Here’s hoping that you enjoy your birthday as much as you enjoy torturing everyone all year.
• I tried to find something that represented the year you were born. Unfortunately, the thrift shops were closed.
• Congratulations bud! You are now officially 20 years away from turning 50.

• I’m just coming over for the treat. By the way, many happy returns.
• Here is a hug! Happy birthday!!!! PS: I’m broke!
• You just lost one more year of your life. Happy birthday, man!

• It is said that those who have the most birthdays, live the longest. Birthdays are great. Happy birthday, dude.

• Happy birthday, Dinosaur.
• You turned 50? Well that botox is certainly working.
• You asked for it. Here is nothing. Happy birthday.
• I hope you see the day when you have no teeth.
• Will there be cake tomorrow or no?
• Happy birthday, my 30-year-old Grandma.

• Want to look young today? Play chess with Grandpa.
• Want to look young today? Go to an old age home.
• You just tuned 40? Well, your mom just told me you are 43.
• Your grandmother wants her walking stick back. Happy Birthday!
• I can never forget your birthday. It always comes after the day you remind me of it. Happy birthday.
• Happy 500th birthday, Vampire. May you stay forever young!
• Do I have to remind you at your age that TODAY is your birthday? Happy birthday to you.

• You’re great and even greater on your birthday. YES, I’ve been drinking!
• The funny thing about you is that you age, but your maturity levels always stay the same!
• This time we made sure that your candles cost less than the cake. We just got the two numbers. Have a happy 85th birthday!
• The secret to a great birthday is not remembering what happened that day. Just don’t wake up in jail.
• Now it’s time to fall in love, get married and make me a grandparent. And hopefully do all those things in this order! Until then Happy Birthday!
• Your wife say you’re definitely getting better with age. Does that mean you started to take the trash out? Happy Bday.

• This birthday means it’ time to start treating your kids like gold. They’ll be choosing your nursing home soon.
• It’s your birthday. The good news is that you’re only as old as you act and right now you’re in kindergarten.
• I will never send you one of those greeting cards making fun about your age. I know how sensitive old folks are about their age.
• Finally you’re 21 and legally able to do everything you’ve been doing since you were 14 years old.

• What comes with being 18 years old? Bills, bills and more bills… and waiting three more years to do what you really want.
• I can’t believe you’re 50. You don’t look a day over 49 and a half.
• You know you’re getting old when your kids are lecturing you. Fight the power! Happy Birthday!

• I bet if you knew at 18 years old what you know now, you’d have still done the same stupid things that you did. Here’s to staying young. Happy Birthday.
• I thought about sending you a birthday card mocking your age, but I decided against it. Remember that when you are writing your will.
• You’re the best young person I know. You make me thankful to be old.
• Don’t worry about getting old. You’re still above ground.
• The secret to staying young is lying about your age. Happy Birthday!

• Let’s be honest! You don’t really care what I write on this card. You probably won’t even read it. All you care about is the gift inside! And that’s why I love you, happy birthday!
• Consider the positives. You have another birthday and you still have all your teeth.
• I just wanted to remind you that you’re a year older than you were last year.
• Today is the day when everyone reminds you you’re a year older and we all pretend to be happy about it.
• Happy Birthday! You don’t look a day over… whatever age you were at your last birthday!
• You had me at “there will be cake and ice cream”. Happy Birthday to a truly special person who admires candy!

 

Funny Birthday Captions for those Instagram Posts

There’s no better way to start your B-day than with a little self-deprecating humor. Get the roast started with these witty captions.

• Notice: Today is my Birthday. However, I’m extending the expiration date for gifts until the end of the month.
• Today is the day I level up a year and all I can think about is cake.
• Today is my big day. For those who want to send a truly unforgettable gift, I accept PayPal, Venmo, Zelle, Google Pay, and CashApp.
• It’s my big day. DM me for cake.
• I got Happy Birthday playing on repeat.
• I wasn’t born digitally, so don’t send me virtual flowers, balloons, and cake. I want the real thing.
• Got my ID in hand so I can go to my favorite places to get my gifts for my B-Day.
• Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who has the most fabulous birthdays of them all?
• Today’s my birthday, so send me on an ego trip.
• Don’t judge me. Walt Disney once said, “Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.”
• I don’t usually brag, but when I do, it’s because I’m awesome. Happy B-Day to me.
• Turn my birthday selfie into a meme.
• Happy Birthday to the most glorious and intelligent person that I know: mMself!
• With age comes… aches, crankiness, and forgetfulness! But there is cake – there is ALWAYS cake!
• It is my birthday, and while I should know better, I really do not! Cheers to me, anyway.
• With many people’s birthdays come a sense of responsibility and maturity… phooey to that!
• Those who bring me a gift for my special day will be looked on fondly. Those who give me nothing … Well, let’s just say you don’t want to be in my line of sight.

 

Long Funny Birthday Wishes

• We all knew this day was coming, it’s not bad luck, its nature. It’s best to just suck it up and accept the truth. It’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in public. Happy Birthday!
• Mum, it’s that time of year again! You do make it hard for us, don’t you?! You never chose a favorite cake for us to get, or special thing for us to do. You can never give us a list of things you want or favorite meal for us to prepare! You are the hardest woman on earth to please! For these reasons we were forced to make it up, so don’t blame us if the day is not up to scratch! Happy Birthday to the world’s biggest fence-sitting mum!
• Not quite an adult, but no longer a child. This is one of the toughest ages of your life. You have most of life’s firsts to look forward to, and a whole mess of early mistakes to leave behind. Let me give you one single piece of advice, that I wish someone had told me when I was your age: Stay away from bad boys.

• You made it! You are now officially old! Maybe no one else has the guts to let you know, but don’t worry. In my opinion you’ll make a sexy grey fox for sure!
• Another year, another birthday to organize, another headache. You better get used to headaches; they become more and more common when pushing middle age!
• You may be just a one year old baby! So you can’t read this message yet! But since we have Twitter, Facebook and the Cloud, doing this kind of thing now makes sense!
• Last year it was a nice dinner at a fantastic hotel, the year before we went to Vegas, and now this year you’re just staying in? I guess the rumors are true, old age does ruin people. Happy Birthday! Have a good one!
• I never celebrate my birthday with a huge party, and you always ask me why. While tomorrow you will be surrounded by mess and a pile of huge hospitality bills, I will be enjoying a nice quiet lie in. That’s why.
• If you are hung over, struggle to think clearly and suffer a terrible headache in the morning, don’t worry. It only means you’ve had one of the best nights of your life!
• If you were a boy I would be telling you to have a great time, not to be shy, to be brave, talk to everyone and not to get into too much trouble! But since you’re a girl I’m obliged to remind you that talking to strangers is a bad idea. Stay away from all naughty looking boys and don’t get into any trouble at all! Enjoy!

• You should see your age as something to boast about, not worry over. The next time someone makes an age joke at you, remind them that you’ve been around longer than they’ve been able to walk, and if they make it to half your age, they should consider themselves lucky!
• To the world’s greatest dad, you make me laugh, you keep me fed, you brush my hair and buy me clothes. So I guess it’s only fair that I return the favor and spoil you this one day of the year! Don’t expect big things though, please remember I’m only small. Happy Birthday.

• You probably haven’t been told this before, but when you were first born the doctors thought there was something wrong with you! With those eyes, strange ears and funny nose, it’s genuinely quite amazing they ever let you leave the hospital.
• To my dearest, most favorite and most precious little sister. Our family was so very blessed the day you were born. It was such a joy to grow up with you and share so many great moments together. Remember these kind words when you’re cutting and dishing out the cake portions later!
• The best thing about your birthday is that you’ve now reached the age to say: “Those kids don’t know anything. When I was young…” and then go on blathering all day, annoying everyone around you.
• I just wanted you to know that they say 50 is the new 30, skinny jeans are out and the saggy, relaxed look is in! Also, neatly pressed polo shirts are out and well worn and wrinkled is in! Happy Birthday you trendsetter you!!

• Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. You smell like my husband and you sorta look like him too.
• You remind me of a jar of pickles. You’re pretty well preserved for your age. Happy Birthday, my dear old friend!
• Happy Birthday—-& just to let you know the tablecloth is flame resistant, I have the fire department on stand-by and there is a fire extinguisher under the table.

• I have sources that have informed me that it’s your birthday and that you are a die-hard Obama fan. Enjoy this premium roast coffee that is imported and served at the White House! Kenya Arabica Bean Anniversary of Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth blend.
• You have more preservatives in you than a jar of mayonnaise! There isn’t an expiration date on your bottom, is there? Happy Birthday, my fantastically well preserved friend!
• My momma always said “Life was like a box of chocolates. You gotta keep sticking your finger in them until you find the one that you want to get.” Happy Birthday.

• “You want answers?! You can’t handle the truth!” …but I will tell you anyways. It’s your god*amn birthday!
• I hope your birthday leaves you less hot & bothered than when you read 50 Shades of Grey. Happy Birthday.
• Don’t think of them as wrinkles. Think of them as creases that just need some starch and a bit of ironing. Cheers to another year & another crease.
• Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…..

• Congratulations! You are another year closer to being able to get that senior discount at Target and wear the underwear that you can pee in!!
• Brother, I figured today would be as good a day as any to tell you that you were adopted!! Just kidding. Happy Birthday—or is it??
• Lucille Ball said it best when she said, “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” May you stay forever 28—LIAR!

• I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys “R” Us kid. If you are now singing the end of this magical verse, you are most certainly an 80s kid. Happy Birthday to my NKOTB loving, neon scrunchy wearing, slap bracelet collecting friend.
• If you’re having vanilla cake I would like some ice cream… but on the side. If it’s chocolate cake, no ice cream. If you’re having vanilla and chocolate marble cake, I would like the ice cream served on top of the cake. If there’s no cake, than just a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Happy Birthday to a friend that always goes above and beyond!!
• I hope you enjoy your birthday as much as Kim Kardashian enjoys taking selfies!
• I would like to wish you a politically correct birthday so I won’t encourage overindulgence of alcohol, getting less than the recommended 9 hours of sleep, or listening to excessively loud rock music…..but happy birthday, even if all the fun has been sucked out of it!

• Chuck Norris wanted to apologize for not being able to make it to your birthday party. He was busy geocaching in Antarctica. Happy Birthday.
• Cougar was so last year. This year you are a cheetah, fierce & fabulous!! Happy Birthday!!!
• If  ‘only the good die young’,…..I’m afraid you’re going to be celebrating a few more birthdays.
• One must not simply wish someone a happy birthday, one must shout it from the rooftops, start a conga line in the middle of town, resurrect Julia Child to bake a triple layer ice cream cake!
• Do you want to eat some ice cream? Come on, how about some chocolate cake? I never see you anymore. Come out the door. Come on let’s go and make a wish! Don’t tell me to ‘let it go’ because your birthday comes only once a year. We used to be best buddies but now we’re not. Do I really smell that bad? I want to wish you happy birthday, to your face. Not from behind a door.

• I’m glad I don’t need Facebook to tell me it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday!
• To show how not old we are I am going to wish you happy birthday in under 140 characters. #happybirthday #youngandhot #stillgettingcarded
• Happy Birthday to someone who is aging better than Britney Spears AND Lindsay Lohan!!
• Happy 16th Birthday, Sweetie! After digging out your old baby photo albums, I found the cutest picture of you wearing nothing but socks and a smile! I wished you happy birthday on your Facebook and Instagram. I couldn’t figure out how to upload the darn photo on Twitter. I hope you have a great day! I love you!

• May the odds be ever in your favor… and if they’re not I hope there is a Katniss to take your place because it isn’t going to be me!
• Brace yourself. An explosion of Facebook notifications is coming. Happy Birthday from the Lannisters… we never forget.
• “We got no food! We got no jobs! Our pets heads are falling off!!” I hope you are having a better day than Harry & Lloyd. Happy Birthday, friend!
• You’re depressed about being another year older? Look on the bright side, you don’t live in North Korea where that evil dictator Kim Jong-un could kill you for it.
• You know you’re old when your social calendar has bi-weekly ‘meet friends for coffee @ blood pressure clinic’ on it. Happy birthday, you old fart.
• I promise when you get old and forgetful I won’t let you forget to wash your hands after you pee or feed the cat food to your cat and not yourself. Happy Birthday, Mother!

 

Funny Birthday Quotes for Him

• Happy Birthday from someone who puts up with your belching, farting, scratching, and remote control hogging!
• I hope you don’t mind that I bought you a cake to give to your mom, congratulating your mom for going thru labor and giving birth to you. I mean, she was the one who did all the work. You just kinda popped out! Happy Birthday!
• I didn’t even have to be reminded by Facebook that it was your big day today! Impressed?! Happy Birthday to you!
• For your special day I’ve arranged a tour of the local assisted living facility! If we get your room reserved now, you get a 20% discount! I hope you enjoy your amazing day! Happy Birthday, you old fart!
• You might not be Christian Grey but I still love you more and more with each passing year! Happy Birthday to you, my better version of Mr. Grey.
• It’s your birthday! I’m bringing the fire extinguisher! Let’s get this party started! Happy Birthday! May all your dreams come true this new year!
• Congratulations! You’re now one more year closer to being known as the ‘dirty old man’!! Happy Birthday to you on this incredible day.
• I’m sorry I couldn’t get Kate Upton climb inside the gift box. I still hope you like what I got you! Happy Birthday to a dirty old man!
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• Happy Birthday to someone I love more than Nutella! I hope your special day is perfect and you get everything you ever wanted and more!
• Happy Birthday to you, my dearest! I hope your birthday is less exciting than King Joffrey’s wedding!

Funny Birthday Quotes for Her

• Happy Birthday to someone who is comparable to fine wine and aged cheese. You get better with age, my dearest!
• Happy Birthday to someone who doesn’t quite look as old as a dried up prune yet. May all your dreams and wishes come true today and every day.
• Happy Birthday to you. In your honor I will refrain from doing the Whip and Nae Nae dance! Of course if you really want me to I can bust a move.
• Happy Birthday to someone who doesn’t know how to load a dishwasher or fill the gas tank on her car!
• Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is definitely not as sweet as you! Happy Birthday to you! May your day be filled with nothing but roses!
• Happy Birthday!! You are one-in-a-million and I’d rather spend the day celebrating your birthday than anything else—except for watching football, baseball, or hockey.

• You definitely don’t look a day older than the age you tell people you are! Happy Birthday to someone full of sugar and spice and everything nice.
• Happy Birthday to the greatest female homosapien to ever walk the planet! Evolution stopped when it created you!
• Happy Birthday to someone who can make yoga pants and hair bands look hot!
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• Happy Birthday to an incredible girl! I hope your birthday is perfect and you get everything you’ve ever dreamed of—except for Channing Tatum. I’ll have none of that!

 

Witty Birthday Wishes for Awesome Friends

• Happy Birthday to someone as devious and sneaky as me! You’re a girl’s perfect partner-in-crime! May we have many more crazy adventures together!
• Always remember that every time birthday candles are blown out a bottle of wine is born! Happiest of birthdays to someone as amazing, incredible, and wonderful as you!
• I just wanted to tell you that I won the lottery and I plan on giving half of my winnings to you in honor of your special day! So, I will be enclosing $1.50. Happy Birthday! Don’t go spending it all in one place now!
• Happy Birthday to someone that I would want as my getaway driver if I ever decide to rob a bank. Just saying. I hope your day is ridiculously off-the-hook!!

• From one amazing person to another—Happy Birthday!! You are so incredibly lucky to have such an awesome friend like me!
• Happy Birthday, you sweet young thang! I hope your birthday is unbelievably amazing!
• Happy Birthday! May your day be full of happiness, laughter, love, and of course the most important thing—wine!!
• Happiest of birthdays to the happiest and chattiest person I’ve ever met! May your birthday be your dream gab fest full of lots of juicy gossip and rumors!
• One does not simply wish a happy birthday without the requisite dolling out of a birthday spanking!
• May you overindulge on sugar and sweets and laugh until your stomach aches! Happy Birthday to you!

• I had a very difficult time finding a gluten free, GMO free, soy free, vegan birthday cake so I guess we’ll celebrate with some delicious frozen water, also commonly referred to as ice! Happy Birthday to you! Cheers to another amazing year!
• On your big day I thought we’d go to the zoo but the signs say no pets allowed on the premises so we’ll have to come up with something else since you wouldn’t be allowed in. Happy Birthday you big stinker!
• Best Wishes on your birthday! I bet you’re totally over-the-moon excited that you are now another year older and another year closer to collecting that 5% senior citizen grocery shopping discount! Happy Birthday, you old fart!
• Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…to wish someone special a very happy birthday! Happy Birthday from one chick to another!

 

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